Being called a GRIFTER still annoys me

Acknowledging that it gets to me is an invitation to my haters to do it more. But I'm trying to purge the fact that it annoys me from my system by writing it all down.

There is no trolling that annoys me more than the accusation of being a grifter.

I know . . . why do I pay any of it any mind? I don’t for the most part. But I’ll admit, this one does sometimes still get under my skin.

I’ve been accused of “grifting” since 2008 when I wrote my first book — Chalked Up — which exposed abuse in the sport of gymnastics.

To “grift” is to swindle. To swindle is to use deception to deprive another of money.

So the accusation goes: I was lying about coaching abuse to extract money under false pretenses from would-be readers.

I know I don’t need to convince you, but here’s the thing:

• The coaching culture in gymnastics IS abusive. All my teammates — both on Team USA and my private club team — knew this was true. They endured the same treatment I did. But for some reason which I still don’t fully understand, they all said it wasn’t true. I think it’s some version of Stockholm syndrome, and to admit what really happened, would be to embark on a difficult path of remembering and recovery. Easier to just pretend these abusive coaches were caring and kind-hearted and remaining in their good standing.

• I wasn’t lying to extract money for a book. In fact, when I wrote it, I didn’t think it would get published. I wasn’t a writer. I wasn’t famous. I just had a story to tell and I wanted to write it down mostly to understand what had happened and why I still struggled with it 20 years later.

• I was already a Vice President at Levi’s at the time, making plenty of money. More than I do now as a small business owner. I didn’t need money. Money was not the motivation. Truth was. Protecting children was.

• While I wrote the book quickly, it still took at least 1500 hours, by my very rough estimation. Those were hours spent in the wee hours of the morning and night, before and after long days of work and child-rearing. The fee I got for the book — which to my surprise was purchased by Harper Collins — worked out to far less than minimum wage, given all of the hours I spent on it. This was money I didn’t need, and the time spent writing it, is time I could have spent engaged in more pleasant and relaxing activities. Like sleeping.

• Besides the paltry per hour income, the book brought me condemnation from the sport community — fellow teammates, coaches and governing body officials.

That character assassination brought on pretty extreme anxiety and depression. But I kept going. Why? The more I was slandered — by governing body leaders in particular — the more it strengthened my resolve to expose the abuse of young children. Because I didn’t want another child to endure what I had.