Happy one year birthday to XX-XY Athletics

And some thoughts on resilience

Today is our one year anniversary at XX-XY Athletics and as I look back not only on that milestone, but also at the last five years, the thing I feel most proud of is my own resilience.

When I left gymnastics in 1988, I felt my resilience or never give up approach was a harmful fatal flaw. Sure, we always think of resilience as a strength. But I was resilient to the point of near self-destruction. I’d keep going and going and going until I was bloody and beaten on the ground. Broken ankle, keep training. Starvation diet, keep training. Broken femur, get the cast off fast and keep training. Spiraling depression and self-loathing, keep training. Until I couldn’t.

And in the late 80s, it was the beginning of the psych mumbo jumbo about boundaries and self-care. My generation would be the generation that bought into this stuff and raised our kids on it. We’d be the first generation of helicopter parents hovering and doting to ensure our children never experienced a single second of discomfort.

Is it any surprise Gen Z’s are a generation of non-resilient kids (not entirely, but they certainly are billed as such, and there is some truth to it) who don’t know how to do anything for themselves? Who medicate at the first sign of discomfort? Who want safe spaces and more time for tests and every little bit of side-eye is a major offense — an assault — from which they need to be protected? This is not on them, it’s on the parents who raised them.

Well, I haven’t raised mine this way. I rejected this mode of thinking as quickly as I’d adopted it. I just needed a little rest from pushing myself, before I dusted myself off and kept right on going with it. I can’t help it. I just keep going and going and going.

When I had my first round of kids I was intent on letting them fall down and learn to pick themselves up again, without me swooping in to fix everything. This made me no mom friends at the playground in the early 2000s.

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I used to joke that nothing will ever be as hard as training ten hours a day on a broken ankle and 300 calories. And it’s true.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can compare to that dig-deep sort of drive. Which benefited me. Until it didn’t.

That said, the last five years of my life have given it a run for its money. Heck the last ten to fifteen.

Starting with getting a divorce in 2010. Brutal. I won’t go into it here. But I’ll say this: I was broken and lonely and felt like a total failure. It is the only time in my life I have been brought to my knees — literally — asking in some semblance of praying for some relief. But I was determined to find a partner. And I did. And we’ve been together since 2012. Married since 2017. And he is the best. He is smart, fun, supportive, loves being the stay-at-home parent. Plans date nights, never misses a milestone to give a thoughtful gift, apologizes and always holds my hand. We never go to bed angry and we always go to sleep at the same time — I can’t think of a time when my head hit the pillow without him saying “I love you” before I drifted off to sleep (except when I’m traveling).

Then my husband’s father passed away. He was the kindest smartest man and I am sad I didn’t get more time with him.

Then I had two more babies in my mid-40s. Enough said. I weathered that pretty well.

Then my husband and I fought covid together. Then I faced the loss of friends, reputation, and a corporate career that I spent 30 years building.

Then we moved to Denver where we didn’t know a soul.

Then I decided to launch XX-XY Athletics in my 50s, just when things should have started to get a little easier and quieter.

Since then, in the last year alone, my brand has been banned and shadow-banned from various social media platforms, I’ve been harassed and threatened with violence by the nice inclusive people, I was cancelled (again) and uninvited to a speaking engagement because I think men can’t become women. I’m sure there is more.

We’ve had huge days where my phone is constantly buzzing as the sales ring up and we’ve had days where I’m sure my Shopify app is broken because the sales aren’t ringing up. (Side note: I recently had a conversation with another founder — though he is 15 years into his endeavor. He told me in the first few years they’d go days without a single sale. I took some measure of comfort in this as that has never happened to us. We haven’t had a single day without a sale since launch. We haven’t had a single day without many sales, in fact.)

Oh and amidst all of this I get to experience the joys of menopause.

And I keep going. Every damn day. Because that’s what you do if you want to succeed. And if you’re committed to a mission. And our mission is two fold: build a world class brand and protect women’s sports and female athletes.

My trolls will scoff and call me a grifter (I’ve been called this for something or other since 2008, despite the fact that every stand I’ve taken has caused heartache, rejection and in two of three times a significant loss of income) but we can’t fight the good fight if we don’t grow sales and become a big profitable brand. So yeah. I want it to work. Financially. What business owner doesn’t?

A gift and thank you to our early friends and fans, today only, we’re offering 20% off site wide. If you haven’t tried us yet, now is a good time.

Anyway, happy birthday to us. Here’s a little video of our year in review. And in case you’re wondering, I’m having the time of my life.)