This was another great post, Jennifer. I can relate to everything you've written (I'm just a little older than you). I, too, worked at shitty temp jobs after college, and my first full-time job paid $16k/year....but I was a new grown up and making my own decisions, I learned a ton, and it was freedom!
I recently had the experience of visiting my 28-yr old son in the big city where he lives. We had traveled 3 days cross-country by car to get there, arriving at dinner time. I had told him and his long-time girlfriend to figure out a place where we could go for an easy dinner nearby, our treat. When we arrived there were no dinner plans, no takeout ideas. Instead, "we'll do Doordash" was their plan. I hate this kind of culture: too busy/important to make your own food and hell, too important to even go out and pick it up! $70 later, we had three crappy salads delivered for dinner. Why are our young people so willing and able to spend that much money on food like this? To me, salad doesn't even qualify as "dinner." And I raised this kid. He always had jobs, worked his way through college, learned the value of money (I thought)...but yet, culturally in the big city and within his peers, even food should simply come to you without effort. Doordash is just another entitlement symptom. It's insane.
"The Secret" is an example of so-called New Thought, a 19th century spiritual idea that has rebranded itself many times, most recently in the notion of "manifesting." New Thought has informed the work of Mary Baker Eddy ("Christian Science"), Norman Vincent Peale ("Power of Positive Thinking"), a stadium-full of Oprah guests, and countless prosperity gospel preachers. It is most often associated with the "third leg" of American religion, or "alternative religion" in the US, which is the trend towards a la carte beliefs. More than a third of Americans now operate on a set of chosen precepts rather than join a mainstream church that tells them what to believe. These people are often confused with irreligion or atheism when they have in fact simply left "organized" religion behind.
The result is that all sorts of heresies become acceptable. People can be born in the wrong body, life is supposed to be fair, wishing makes it true, and so on. We blame all this on academic postmodernism, but of course postmodernism is the philosophy of atomized belief. Kids need structure and rules and an epistemic sense of their place in the universe. They are not little adults capable of picking out truth from falsity. I think this is an underrated part of the picture.
Wow! You said the quiet part out loud re old people and COVID. I love it!
Regarding entitlement, Abigail Shrier would combine 1 and 2 and say that parents abdicated their responsibility by trusting the professionals/therapists too much and trying to be a therapist to their child rather than a parent. Also, Roger McFillin (Radically Genuine) writes on Substack a fair bit about #1. I think you would like his articles.
I would add to your causes ... enmeshment/codependency. Parents are unable to separate from their children and see them as individuals. So kids aren't allowed to have their own feelings. When the child feels 'bad' feelings, the parent feels them as well so they do everything in their power to prevent those bad feelings.
Also, and I know you've written about this ... lack of courage. I spoke out in anger when my son was playing T-ball. The player was clearly out and everybody refused to call him out. I was mad. I asked how kids would ever learn how to lose, strive etc if they never lost. But I was a minority voice even back then (late 1990s)!
There's also another cause that I can't quite put my finger on, but it is about elevating feelings above facts. Restorative Justice would fit in here. The 'consequence' for the offender is only hearing about how they impacted someone else.
I really enjoy your writing - and applaud you for trying to get these messages out. I wish you weren't swimming upstream.
1960 High School graduate. Our graduation class did just fine without the federal Department of Education. College folowed. I had a job two weeks after graduation. United States Marine Corps. Moved on with life after Vietnam. Grad school. Fellowship.
Successful career. Never suffer fools is a good standard to carry.
I have not had a great deal of interaction with youngsters other than through my grandchildren both of whom were involved in high school athletics and were good students. Both are in college now. One is pursuing a Chemical Engineering degree.
It all starts at home . Good parenting. Stable home life gives you a leg up.
I was a student in the US university system from 1984 thru 1993. I was close to department chairs of 3 diff Social Science fields. Around 1989 a group of consultants were called-in by the university’s administration who went department by department and let faculty know, in no uncertain terms, that students were CUSTOMERS rather than kids who needed an education. They commercialized the university, and we were one of the last colleges to get this treatment.
No longer would professors make demands on students (esp ones from “important families” or athletes). They fired ALL the Social Science profs (who were tenure track, but hadn’t yet achieved tenure) who challenged students to learn—and maybe even master—the material. I was close to many of these amazing academics and in my opinion their high standards were the only thing holding the departments together.
Further, the role of teaching would no longer be the focus of professors and would fall to adjuncts or TAs. Full professors would shift their focus to publishing rather than teaching (so, students lost contact the most talented and experienced profs), and profs were to generate PR for the college.
THIS is the problem b/c if you count the years from 1989 until now you cover the generations that have been affected by what’s called “entitlement.”
It might be illuminating to take into account that this “consultant attitude” and commercialization then spread throughout public high schools, jr high, middle and elementary schools—at the behest of the Dept of Education which was seeking to provide “customer experience” rather than education.
My own view is that we need a Dept of Education that weeds out this specific “consultant attitude” from all our educational institutions. It’s the commercialization of education that got us here, and we need institutional leadership to get the whole system back on track, b/c unless this is an across-the-board reform the commercialization will continue. Clean out the Dept of Ed and re-direct schools to teaching rather than purchasing an education.
Really nice job. Indeed, there is a growing current led by many of the techhies that suggests we can somehow avoid death. Very dangerous.
What is so odd about these "avoid discomfort" people is that when they do take risks, they are often far more dangerous than what normal people would do (selfies on the edge of a cliff or in front of wild animals, taking the vax). I certainly haven't figured it out.
The Department of Education is a failure but part of the blame goes to some in our culture who do not value education. There needs to be parental support and involvement in education. There are some kids who come to school who are woefully unprepared and quickly and permanently fall behind. Most public school teachers try their best but are not miracle workers.
Since covid i've lost faith in the idea that most teachers try their best. but i know many many -- some in my own family -- that work like crazy and face insurmountable odds, I agree. the entire culture is entitled and needs an overhaul. we all have to do our part to bring back hard work, merit, being ok with hard things and discomfort... parents have a significant role to play obviously. but it's not just us.
When my son was in high school (he's a young Millennial), I had to beg teachers (literally) to hold him accountable for blowing off a test or not completing an assignment. They couldn't believe that I was totally OK with him failing because of his choices. So, yes, the educational system plays a huge role.
This was another great post, Jennifer. I can relate to everything you've written (I'm just a little older than you). I, too, worked at shitty temp jobs after college, and my first full-time job paid $16k/year....but I was a new grown up and making my own decisions, I learned a ton, and it was freedom!
I recently had the experience of visiting my 28-yr old son in the big city where he lives. We had traveled 3 days cross-country by car to get there, arriving at dinner time. I had told him and his long-time girlfriend to figure out a place where we could go for an easy dinner nearby, our treat. When we arrived there were no dinner plans, no takeout ideas. Instead, "we'll do Doordash" was their plan. I hate this kind of culture: too busy/important to make your own food and hell, too important to even go out and pick it up! $70 later, we had three crappy salads delivered for dinner. Why are our young people so willing and able to spend that much money on food like this? To me, salad doesn't even qualify as "dinner." And I raised this kid. He always had jobs, worked his way through college, learned the value of money (I thought)...but yet, culturally in the big city and within his peers, even food should simply come to you without effort. Doordash is just another entitlement symptom. It's insane.
"What Happens When a Whole Generation Never Grows Up?"
Article on people in their 30s that's getting a lot of comments, some similar to yours:
https://www.wsj.com/economy/what-happens-when-a-whole-generation-never-grows-up-d200e9ef?st=tXPxVp&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
"The Secret" is an example of so-called New Thought, a 19th century spiritual idea that has rebranded itself many times, most recently in the notion of "manifesting." New Thought has informed the work of Mary Baker Eddy ("Christian Science"), Norman Vincent Peale ("Power of Positive Thinking"), a stadium-full of Oprah guests, and countless prosperity gospel preachers. It is most often associated with the "third leg" of American religion, or "alternative religion" in the US, which is the trend towards a la carte beliefs. More than a third of Americans now operate on a set of chosen precepts rather than join a mainstream church that tells them what to believe. These people are often confused with irreligion or atheism when they have in fact simply left "organized" religion behind.
The result is that all sorts of heresies become acceptable. People can be born in the wrong body, life is supposed to be fair, wishing makes it true, and so on. We blame all this on academic postmodernism, but of course postmodernism is the philosophy of atomized belief. Kids need structure and rules and an epistemic sense of their place in the universe. They are not little adults capable of picking out truth from falsity. I think this is an underrated part of the picture.
💯
However, the Dept. Of Education is low hanging fruit and should be eliminated: https://open.substack.com/pub/lizlasorte/p/government-too-big-will-fail-part?r=76q58&utm_medium=ios
couldn't agree more. the "results" speak for themselves.
Wow! You said the quiet part out loud re old people and COVID. I love it!
Regarding entitlement, Abigail Shrier would combine 1 and 2 and say that parents abdicated their responsibility by trusting the professionals/therapists too much and trying to be a therapist to their child rather than a parent. Also, Roger McFillin (Radically Genuine) writes on Substack a fair bit about #1. I think you would like his articles.
I would add to your causes ... enmeshment/codependency. Parents are unable to separate from their children and see them as individuals. So kids aren't allowed to have their own feelings. When the child feels 'bad' feelings, the parent feels them as well so they do everything in their power to prevent those bad feelings.
Also, and I know you've written about this ... lack of courage. I spoke out in anger when my son was playing T-ball. The player was clearly out and everybody refused to call him out. I was mad. I asked how kids would ever learn how to lose, strive etc if they never lost. But I was a minority voice even back then (late 1990s)!
There's also another cause that I can't quite put my finger on, but it is about elevating feelings above facts. Restorative Justice would fit in here. The 'consequence' for the offender is only hearing about how they impacted someone else.
I really enjoy your writing - and applaud you for trying to get these messages out. I wish you weren't swimming upstream.
"Boomer remover" was what Millenials were calling covid, isn't it?
1960 High School graduate. Our graduation class did just fine without the federal Department of Education. College folowed. I had a job two weeks after graduation. United States Marine Corps. Moved on with life after Vietnam. Grad school. Fellowship.
Successful career. Never suffer fools is a good standard to carry.
I have not had a great deal of interaction with youngsters other than through my grandchildren both of whom were involved in high school athletics and were good students. Both are in college now. One is pursuing a Chemical Engineering degree.
It all starts at home . Good parenting. Stable home life gives you a leg up.
Happy New Year, Sey Team!
I was a student in the US university system from 1984 thru 1993. I was close to department chairs of 3 diff Social Science fields. Around 1989 a group of consultants were called-in by the university’s administration who went department by department and let faculty know, in no uncertain terms, that students were CUSTOMERS rather than kids who needed an education. They commercialized the university, and we were one of the last colleges to get this treatment.
No longer would professors make demands on students (esp ones from “important families” or athletes). They fired ALL the Social Science profs (who were tenure track, but hadn’t yet achieved tenure) who challenged students to learn—and maybe even master—the material. I was close to many of these amazing academics and in my opinion their high standards were the only thing holding the departments together.
Further, the role of teaching would no longer be the focus of professors and would fall to adjuncts or TAs. Full professors would shift their focus to publishing rather than teaching (so, students lost contact the most talented and experienced profs), and profs were to generate PR for the college.
THIS is the problem b/c if you count the years from 1989 until now you cover the generations that have been affected by what’s called “entitlement.”
It might be illuminating to take into account that this “consultant attitude” and commercialization then spread throughout public high schools, jr high, middle and elementary schools—at the behest of the Dept of Education which was seeking to provide “customer experience” rather than education.
My own view is that we need a Dept of Education that weeds out this specific “consultant attitude” from all our educational institutions. It’s the commercialization of education that got us here, and we need institutional leadership to get the whole system back on track, b/c unless this is an across-the-board reform the commercialization will continue. Clean out the Dept of Ed and re-direct schools to teaching rather than purchasing an education.
Really nice job. Indeed, there is a growing current led by many of the techhies that suggests we can somehow avoid death. Very dangerous.
What is so odd about these "avoid discomfort" people is that when they do take risks, they are often far more dangerous than what normal people would do (selfies on the edge of a cliff or in front of wild animals, taking the vax). I certainly haven't figured it out.
EXCELLENT!
It will be interesting to see your next column. I’m not sure how you follow this one.
The Department of Education is a failure but part of the blame goes to some in our culture who do not value education. There needs to be parental support and involvement in education. There are some kids who come to school who are woefully unprepared and quickly and permanently fall behind. Most public school teachers try their best but are not miracle workers.
Since covid i've lost faith in the idea that most teachers try their best. but i know many many -- some in my own family -- that work like crazy and face insurmountable odds, I agree. the entire culture is entitled and needs an overhaul. we all have to do our part to bring back hard work, merit, being ok with hard things and discomfort... parents have a significant role to play obviously. but it's not just us.
When my son was in high school (he's a young Millennial), I had to beg teachers (literally) to hold him accountable for blowing off a test or not completing an assignment. They couldn't believe that I was totally OK with him failing because of his choices. So, yes, the educational system plays a huge role.
Ms Sey, you are courageous and remarkable. You write, say, and do what most of us are too afraid to. Thank you.