Mom of 3 sons here, lots of time spent in the stands or on the river (crew). Our family rule was only one sport a season and if you want to play on a summer travel team this is what you will have to give up for the summer…sleep away camp, visiting grandparents in FL for 2 weeks, family vacation at the beach so you choose. No one decided to do travel whatever, all played a varsity sport in high school but also were in band, student govt, robotics, etc. Very happy that we had a well balanced family life that included dinner all together every night!!
One select team my daughter was on passed out suckers to the parents so they had something in their mouth. 🤣 It didn't always keep everyone quiet, but it helped.
You have a great perspective, probably because of your own experience. There are so many kids playing soccer, it’s like a needle in a haystack to find the one or two in a region who would even be candidates for a D1 scholarship, much less the national team!
Thanks for this. My sons did Little League and those parents are definitely there, too. I feel like social media has taken the place of sports for too many youth. I loved running hurdles until I discovered dance. There's such a thing as competing with yourself, trying to live in balance, mind and body. Back in the day, my dance muscles were like a soft armor, I had lift and agility--very glad for the experience, also glad not to be training 6 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Interesting thoughts! It's funny because for a while my daughter played both soccer and field hockey, and I felt that soccer had LESS pressure because the "rewards" (college play) were so hard to achieve. I felt like the soccer parents were more grounded than the FH ones. You want to see crazy ... she ended up choosing field hockey and I have stories ... your son's play was fantastic! Gymnastics is an incredible grind. Truly respect the kids that devote themselves to it. Also the reason soccer can be crazy at young ages is you have to get tracked so young in that sport. You can't jump in at middle school age. That's not great. It used to be that field hockey you could start later, but now that's much harder in certain areas like PA. The "pre-Olympic" path will shut down for many after 8 years old. The open slots aren't there as everyone pushes to get on the U7 teams and once you're in with a lot of these programs, you tend to stay in, and there are only so many spots.
Soccer mom here, also assistant coach for my boys’ U12 team. The only quibble I have with what you wrote is the whole “beautiful weather” thing. Up here in the north country (just south of the Canadian border, NY), we don’t get beautiful weather a lot. Yesterday, we weee outside in 39 degree weather. We brought the kids inside to watch video of famous football matches and then called off practice early. Well, the boys didn’t take to that kindly. The parents came early and found their boys doing an impromptu scrimmage. They practically had to drag the kids off the field. These kids know that, with the exception of maybe one (not one of my sons), they have until the end of high school to enjoy this. Maybe one or two will be able to play at the D2 level or recreationally in college, but most are here for the love of the game. And it is magic watching them play. What a shame for the parents who miss out on the magic.
As a parent of two daughters (now married young women) who learned about soccer from volunteering for my girls in AYSO soccer - first as a ref, then an assistant coach and finally as a coach - I completely share your outlook on youth sports Jennifer. The middle ground and parental sanity are needed for a healthy perspective. Learning teamwork, developing new skills, overcoming adversity and having fun and a sense of accomplishment in the process is what it’s all about for the kids. Parents who put too much pressure on their kids - and the coaches and refs - are spoilers. Encourage the kids to do their best and let ‘em play!
I was playing tackle football with boys when I was 8 in the 1950s. Then, my mom said I couldn't because I "was a girl." I was really disappointed because the two guys better than me were coaching and teaching me how to tackle more effectively. They didn't see me as a girl but someone who could compete with them and didn't have the advantage of growing up with people who could teach me. At school, I was either the 2nd or 3rd best at kickball--when the ball is rolled on the ground, you kick it and run bases. I competed against all the guys in class. This was normal. No one said anything except my mom about football. The thought never crossed my mind to gain recognition in school or out. I just wanted to be the best when we played because I knew I could. Cheers!
My now 40 year old son reffed when he was in HS. I remember one game where I had to tell a parent to stop picking on his son. Couldn’t keep my mouth shut. This has been going on for way too long.
Love that video! Watched it three times! Agree on all fronts. No medals for all and chill the heck out. They are kids. Unlikely to get scholarships or go pro. But sports are hugely beneficial in other ways. Oh, and no freaking doughnuts and capri sun as post game snack. HATED THAT.
My daughter played softball as a kid. That was a few years ago but the parents were what you just described then as well. Trying to live vicariously through your child is for losers.
When my now grown son played baseball there was a father who was so loud and obnoxious that after being cited again and again and even banned for coming to watch for a week his poor child was ejected from the league. I felt so bad for her because she was one of the best players on the team but he just wouldn't or couldn't control himself.
My son had a teammate on his little league baseball team there was one parent who was so verbally abusive to his OWN son it still haunts me to this day 30 years later.
Wow. Things have really changed. Not that long ago, any parents who showed up in the stands were mostly just talking with each other because they knew that their lives were not their children’s lives—that they were related but separate spheres. The only over-involved parent was the arguably the one coaching. Then again, each night we showed up back home for dinner alive and relatively unscathed counted as a win, so expectations were reasonably low.
I guess though haven't there been these sorts of "stage parents" for decades? There certainly were when i was competing in gymnastics and that was 45 years ago.
I feel bad for the kids who can’t play or work how they like. As a parent, it’s not easy to always help your kid, then be silent when it comes to sports.
Mom of 3 sons here, lots of time spent in the stands or on the river (crew). Our family rule was only one sport a season and if you want to play on a summer travel team this is what you will have to give up for the summer…sleep away camp, visiting grandparents in FL for 2 weeks, family vacation at the beach so you choose. No one decided to do travel whatever, all played a varsity sport in high school but also were in band, student govt, robotics, etc. Very happy that we had a well balanced family life that included dinner all together every night!!
One select team my daughter was on passed out suckers to the parents so they had something in their mouth. 🤣 It didn't always keep everyone quiet, but it helped.
Love it
You have a great perspective, probably because of your own experience. There are so many kids playing soccer, it’s like a needle in a haystack to find the one or two in a region who would even be candidates for a D1 scholarship, much less the national team!
Thanks for this. My sons did Little League and those parents are definitely there, too. I feel like social media has taken the place of sports for too many youth. I loved running hurdles until I discovered dance. There's such a thing as competing with yourself, trying to live in balance, mind and body. Back in the day, my dance muscles were like a soft armor, I had lift and agility--very glad for the experience, also glad not to be training 6 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Interesting thoughts! It's funny because for a while my daughter played both soccer and field hockey, and I felt that soccer had LESS pressure because the "rewards" (college play) were so hard to achieve. I felt like the soccer parents were more grounded than the FH ones. You want to see crazy ... she ended up choosing field hockey and I have stories ... your son's play was fantastic! Gymnastics is an incredible grind. Truly respect the kids that devote themselves to it. Also the reason soccer can be crazy at young ages is you have to get tracked so young in that sport. You can't jump in at middle school age. That's not great. It used to be that field hockey you could start later, but now that's much harder in certain areas like PA. The "pre-Olympic" path will shut down for many after 8 years old. The open slots aren't there as everyone pushes to get on the U7 teams and once you're in with a lot of these programs, you tend to stay in, and there are only so many spots.
Soccer mom here, also assistant coach for my boys’ U12 team. The only quibble I have with what you wrote is the whole “beautiful weather” thing. Up here in the north country (just south of the Canadian border, NY), we don’t get beautiful weather a lot. Yesterday, we weee outside in 39 degree weather. We brought the kids inside to watch video of famous football matches and then called off practice early. Well, the boys didn’t take to that kindly. The parents came early and found their boys doing an impromptu scrimmage. They practically had to drag the kids off the field. These kids know that, with the exception of maybe one (not one of my sons), they have until the end of high school to enjoy this. Maybe one or two will be able to play at the D2 level or recreationally in college, but most are here for the love of the game. And it is magic watching them play. What a shame for the parents who miss out on the magic.
Agree. What happened to just having fun?
As a parent of two daughters (now married young women) who learned about soccer from volunteering for my girls in AYSO soccer - first as a ref, then an assistant coach and finally as a coach - I completely share your outlook on youth sports Jennifer. The middle ground and parental sanity are needed for a healthy perspective. Learning teamwork, developing new skills, overcoming adversity and having fun and a sense of accomplishment in the process is what it’s all about for the kids. Parents who put too much pressure on their kids - and the coaches and refs - are spoilers. Encourage the kids to do their best and let ‘em play!
Sadly this behavior is endemic in all youth sports these days. On the lighter side, this comedic clip is pretty on point.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHjCfOVvmTJ/
I was playing tackle football with boys when I was 8 in the 1950s. Then, my mom said I couldn't because I "was a girl." I was really disappointed because the two guys better than me were coaching and teaching me how to tackle more effectively. They didn't see me as a girl but someone who could compete with them and didn't have the advantage of growing up with people who could teach me. At school, I was either the 2nd or 3rd best at kickball--when the ball is rolled on the ground, you kick it and run bases. I competed against all the guys in class. This was normal. No one said anything except my mom about football. The thought never crossed my mind to gain recognition in school or out. I just wanted to be the best when we played because I knew I could. Cheers!
My now 40 year old son reffed when he was in HS. I remember one game where I had to tell a parent to stop picking on his son. Couldn’t keep my mouth shut. This has been going on for way too long.
Love that video! Watched it three times! Agree on all fronts. No medals for all and chill the heck out. They are kids. Unlikely to get scholarships or go pro. But sports are hugely beneficial in other ways. Oh, and no freaking doughnuts and capri sun as post game snack. HATED THAT.
I know this video just makes me so happy. The joy.
Super fun and impressive. Kids love to achieve things. We all do. Also watched three times. Thanks for sharing that and words of wisdom to parents.
My daughter played softball as a kid. That was a few years ago but the parents were what you just described then as well. Trying to live vicariously through your child is for losers.
When my now grown son played baseball there was a father who was so loud and obnoxious that after being cited again and again and even banned for coming to watch for a week his poor child was ejected from the league. I felt so bad for her because she was one of the best players on the team but he just wouldn't or couldn't control himself.
My son had a teammate on his little league baseball team there was one parent who was so verbally abusive to his OWN son it still haunts me to this day 30 years later.
Wow. Things have really changed. Not that long ago, any parents who showed up in the stands were mostly just talking with each other because they knew that their lives were not their children’s lives—that they were related but separate spheres. The only over-involved parent was the arguably the one coaching. Then again, each night we showed up back home for dinner alive and relatively unscathed counted as a win, so expectations were reasonably low.
I guess though haven't there been these sorts of "stage parents" for decades? There certainly were when i was competing in gymnastics and that was 45 years ago.
I feel bad for the kids who can’t play or work how they like. As a parent, it’s not easy to always help your kid, then be silent when it comes to sports.